I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
