No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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