the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
