Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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