That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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