I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
