What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
