I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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