brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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