Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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