Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
