oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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