Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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