I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
