i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
