Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
