Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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