Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
