george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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