I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
