I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
