do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
