We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
