Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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