i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Text me some of your sweat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
