fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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