Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The adults are the big ones right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
