It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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