We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
