I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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