New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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