His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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