I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
