I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
