Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dear god my vagina.
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