my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He felt like a one man threesome
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
