As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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