ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
