Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
