I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize