I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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