I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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