I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
