I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize