im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
