Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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