last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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