Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
