I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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