i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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