life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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