the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
