Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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