She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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