Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize