Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
