Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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