I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
