i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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