i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
