Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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