May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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