Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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