I wish I only lived at night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
