If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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