I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
