have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
