It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team