Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun