Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
