You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!