areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.