Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
