Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
