the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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