You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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