trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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